Writing without pictures

I am enroute. Which means I am posting via the blogger app so adding cutesy pictures in is something I haven't quite figured out how to do. Neither, it would seem, have I figured out how to read a Massport schedule and showed up early for my 645 connection to Logan Airport only to discover that there is no such thing on the weekdays. The young woman behind the ticket counter called a cab for me so I could still make my 8am connection. However, the cab was late and I got on the 715 express and have written the whole thing off to adventuring.
When plans go wrong
I am surprisingly unfazed by the potential that all this will make me late to the Oasis program. It is a good example of what I have been learning in GO. While I still need to work on slowing myself down to think things through with all the details; I have become much more adept at the letting go of plans and expectations when they just don't work out. It is a triumph considering that just 6 years ago I would have been a stressed basket case full of blame and anxiety that I would have merrily carried throughout most of the week. One of the things I have learned is that you cannot avoid suffering in life, but you have far greater choice about what it is necessary to suffer with.
Transforming ideas into life
Now that lesson counts as Buddhism 101. The fact that suffering is inevitable. It is easy to learn the words, and even easier to adopt the delusion that having mastered those words and the practice of "letting go" when there is nothing Earth rattling to let go it that you are all set. It can be shocking when something happens that disproves one's perception of one's own development. Misreading a schedule isn't all that Earth rattling; but it easily can be.
Discovering safe harbor
You begin to develop the ability to bear suffering when you begin to discover the ability you have to sit with discomfort and within raw reality without trying to make it anything other than what it really is. Many people feel that meditative practices fail them, or that the Dharma is lacking or the Buddhist faith is not up to real life when they are confronted with suffering they cannot resolve. If one only meditates using breathing exercises, one has only learned how to breathe. Meditation is about discipline, not relaxation of calming. The latter can be a glorious byproduct and you never have to pursue more; but to reach the door where you can begin to peek at what living the dhamma means in life - you must develop the discipline to allow yourself to be challenged in ways that can be most uncomfortable.
But don't do this
By nature, we cannot create our own discomfort. Not even the most masochistic person can create true discomfort and challenge for themselves because the brain always demands context and reward. External teachings are always required to constantly shift and change to avoid the human brain from undermining the process of spiritual and mental development. The longer you practice one specific style of meditation, the less effective and more ego-controlled it becomes.
Which is why my shoulder hurts
In my new 28 day practice, I was all set to launch off into the same process as the one prior only to be corrected by my approach. Instead of being permitted to sit in mindful repose each day, I am challenge to a moving meditation that is requiring me to relearn all the basics about meditative breathing and centering. It is a challenge that is immediately revealing how easily I have fallen into habits that appear on the surface to be one thing - yet are very much not that.
It is a very slow and controlled moving meditation using a sword. My breathing must remain fully engaged and circular, I must mindfully shepherd my Qi within the balance of the movement and even at its slowest stage, I am never permitted to stop moving. All the while this is occurring I must control my thoughts and focus entirely on a section of the Diamond Sutra -

"All that has form is illusive and unreal,
If you see that all form is illusive and unreal
Then you will reveal your true buddha nature."

It has also revealed that I have become complacent and avoidant of certain physical therapy issues and my right shoulder threatens to become a frozen joint.
Ahhhh...the lessons we learn when we become willing.

Slightly smarter than a dog

There is a hexagram in the iChing, #51 - The Arousing (Shock), which is proving to be one of the best teachers for me. It comes around when you are going to be faced with a situation or event that comes (no surprise) as a shock. The shock could be a challenge to what you believe or expect from something or someone - or, at least in my case, the shock often comes from a surprise revelation about yourself and typically not the kind you jump up and down for joy and throw a party about.

Too often we are lulled into believing that self- revelation comes only in quiet rooms on comfortable cushions. Most often it comes under the glare of fluorescent lights while we are out around others. The "shock" aspect is what prevents us from being able to escape behind apology.   It is that shock...that immediate sense of tightness in the stomach that becomes recognized as shame and guilt later that hexagram #51 addresses. It is what you do with shame and guilt that lends an apology its healing power.

Hexagram #51 emphasizes that within this shock of guilt, shame or disaster lies an opportunity to learn and grow. That what is important is this "arousing" to move yourself out of a complacent behavior and into an active, positive practice that will prevent such things from happening again. In other words, the silver lining of guilt and shame is that it shows us where we can improve ourselves.

In my case, I was out doing some errands on a day when I was seriously compromised by exhaustion, hormones and the typical rising and falling amounts of financial stress. My errands revolved around trying to resolve an issue concerning an item I had bought (very needed and practical but for me a very expensive investment), that now needed some additional (and necessary) accessories. More expense. And I had to go to a store that was a little bit notorious for being pushy towards the expensive rather than responsive to a customer on a budget. To top it off, as I came in and outlined the problem, I told the fellow that I had had a similar problem a year ago and purchased - what to me - was an expensive accessory that proved to be a lemon....and then he immediately recommended the very same accessory as the solution to the problem I was currently having.

I promptly switched into full toddler tantrum. Not only did I snap at him and rave about how miserable and awful it was but when the friend who had so kindly driven me to the store came up to say they would wait outside...I graciously snapped "what?!" at them as they tried to get my attention. Now freed of all self-restraint, I paid for my items and off the friend and I went to lunch - where I promptly bitched in front of the waiter that the bubble tea I ordered was not made the way I was used to it being made and how I didn't like it tantrum tantrum tantrum. 

In short...I behaved badly, or as another friend put it, dropped the Zen ball.

Now...in the midst of all my tantruming...I was not unaware of my loss of control and it made me very uncomfortable but I seemed unable to stop it. By the time I got home and calmed down, I felt a deep sense of shame over my behavior.

Someone said, "Well, you're human, it's to be expected."

But behaving in that manner, that type of loss of self-control where suddenly your emotions and your immediate gratification and your comfort and satisfaction is the most important thing and you get to say and do whatever you want because you are (pick one) tired, stressed, hormonal, sick, overwhelmed and so one without regard for how you affect the people around you....that is not being human...that is a very animalistic response. 

Being human means you act with consideration to how you contribute to the cause and effect of your life and the environment around you which affects others. It is about learning that you are never the center of the universe or the most important person in the room. That at no given time is anyone more important than anyone else so all should be taken into consideration when acting in a way that impacts others.

Dogs are very smart and adaptable. Studies have proven that they can learn over 2,000 words of English and change their behavior according to how they perceive an environment - but only to a degree. A dog trained not to take food off the table will often do so if no one is in the room or, the light in the room is turned off. 

Part of the Karmic beliefs of Buddhism is that those paying particularly bad Karma come back as animals because they have no means of changing themselves; they are at the mercy of their environment and the predators around them. They cannot evolve their karma through action and merit. Evolving Karma through action and merit is the province and challenge of a human being only.

When I was in the military and when I was in the field as a rod buster, you could never have a day that you wrote off bad self-control to being physically compromised or mentally distracted - you would have lost everyone's respect and trust. I have the evidence in my life that yes, I can so too control my behavior no matter what my physical, emotional, spiritual or mental state so I do not cause disharmony or disruption to others. Somehow, since leaving those fields, it became OK for me not to exert self-control at times.

This week, it became not OK again. So how do you regain and sustain control when compromised? Say the Amitabha Buddha's name before you speak or act in public, before you react to what someone says and do this when you are not compromised so that when you are - you are already in practice.

That positive practice reminds you of the role self-control plays in compassion and maintaining an attitude of no-self that promotes the six harmonies.

That positive practice is what will give the verbal apology its healing weight. It does little good to just mentally decide how you will handle a similar situation in the future (even with a little role playing). The "shock' should cause you to look at how a positive practice can elevate your living on every level so that when that situation arises - you are different in it. A dog can never be anything but a dog no matter how well trained or how much a dog learns about living around a human - the dog will always be at the mercy of their circumstance and the only choice they have is sacrifice. A human always has the additional choice of activating change within themselves that can transform their circumstances, even if they cannot change them.

No matter where you are in life or in practice, there will always be areas revealed where one needs work. 99% of the time you may be compassionate and in control, but it is that 1% that needs active contemplation and diligent work to correct. Correct that 1% and you will reveal another level of living in your life that you can begin working towards the perfection of diligence in.

Amituofo,

c

Finding Rest in a Restless World

If I were to pick one common theme in the reasons that people seek out meditative or contemplative practices, it would be the desire to find a place of rest in what is becoming an increasingly speedy and overwhelming world. The desire can almost be best described in the phrase, "wanting the world to stop for just a little bit so I can catch my breath."

It is often not that we do not know what to do when faced with life's challenges; but that they come so fast we don't have the time to look in our bag of tools to find the right one to use. Left with speed choices, it is no wonder we often pick things that leave us more rushed than before. For relaxation, we watch highly emotional television shows and movies that make us tenser than we realize. To gain health and wellness, we embark on programmes that emphasize the "wrongness" of just about everything we have been doing that increases feelings of guilt and shame. We join gyms and dojos not thinking through the extent of the monetary and time commitment they really demand in order to be considered "worth it." We turn to medicine in hopes that there is simply something wrong with us that we can manage away with a well-timed pill, not considering how powerless a medicine regimen can make you feel or the complication side effects can be.

So people turn to meditation and contemplation because they have heard rumor of a place where you can go and be in quiet. Where you can rest in an atmosphere of acceptance and regain your footing. So why doesn't meditation work for most people?

Meditation won't work if it is done as a solution rather than a supporting process. If you come to meditation thinking that by learning how to quiet your mind you will find rest, you will inevitably become restless. To be restless is best defined as wanting an immediate change or solution; or better yet, to be restless is to want something to be different NOW.

The key word is "want." When we "want" an outcome, there is much greater chance that we will experience disappointment because we close the door on being present to experience the process. And, if we are not present, we then miss the opportunities that will organically present themselves to us. When we have a "want," we are also more likely to make choices that are emotionally and reactive, rather than an organized response to opportunity.

The world now, West or East, is a restless world. We have come to communally believe in the illusion of immediate solutions -- that if a law is passed, people's thinking and behavior will change, that if a study finds a reason for a health problem, avoiding the cause will always prevent the problem, that pursuing a spiritual practice guarantees a spiritual depth. The food we eat must be fast and good. The entertainment we see must in some way excite our emotions. Our spiritual practices must all come with goals we can sum up, achievements we can realize and tchotchkes we can display.

To find rest in this restless world, one may not need to seek out esoteric and demanding meditative practices, one must learn to rest. Master Sheng Yen surprised an interviewer when asked about the correct posture to meditate in by devoting much time to correcting the wrong posture. He pointed out that many people who sit to meditate are not engaged in cultivation of concentration and wisdom, but are resting. "To rest properly, he demonstrated, "one must sit back and let the chair take all of your weight." You must give yourself up to rest. Count your breaths, concentrate on your breathing and let your mind empty itself of thought - that is true rest and something that all of us need to learn.

Learning to recognize what you need is the first step to creating balance within your life. When you feel that you have not done enough, been enough, are enough -- recognize it as a restlessness and want. When restless -- rest; for that is the meaning of the word -- to be restless is to be one without rest. Once you have rested, then look toward what practices would best support you in pursuing the cultivation of your life.

Amituofo,

Cassandra